Sleeps longer stretches
15th Dec night - Slept from 8am to 3am, then 5am, then 6:30am awake - so 7 hours stretch
16th Dec night - Slept from 10am to 12 am, then 4am, then 6:30am awake - so 4 hours stretch
17th Dec night - Slept from 9am to 12:30 am, then 5am - so 4.5 hours stretch
Still so good!! Better than 2-3 hours stretch!
Also not putting baby to sleep via boobs
Started with day-naps, making sure baby is fed full with breakfast & morning tea AND lunch (on the same day as Colleen's visit) and Alexis fell asleep without boobs, or needing to be rocked.
This is great because she will go to childcare soon and won't have boobs to put her to nap.
Then it leads to night sleep, was not deliberate to refuse boobs. But kind of wanting to stay consistent with the new rules (instinctively, I dont feel forced, just my decision) last night I fed her boobs JUST before putting her to bed (she is still awake and i cut her nails) and she whinges a lot less as she seems to really know the rules.
No boobs during the day
She alluded she wants boobs, but she doesnt protest or get angry as much as before. Again, feels like she seems to really know the rules now. She does however get grumpy, cup empty, and throw SO much things. I try to compensate, lots of solids, cuddles, lots of attention and hugs.
***
My influences - it seems to tick
Jillian said her baby wakes 1-2 each night, and she is exclusively breastfeeding & co-sleeping mother, with baby of the same age
Claire challenges that you don't have to stop breastfeeding entirely to get better sleep at night. She only limits breastfeeds first thing of day and last thing of day.
Claire asks me to promise her to not resolute with boobs firsthand and try other methods first.
Facebook Sept 2018 mothers posted their schedules so that I can see meal times really varies but also how many other babies really dont feed milk as often.
Jillian encourages to be more confident with our own parenting style, also introduces books that offers real values.
Reading Janet Lansbury / Magda - about having a real trust with your child, the way you perceive your child matters (she is capable to cope)
Claire shows how to handle baby cry and how Alexis's cry over truck toy dissipates a few seconds after we "hold" her emotions, without trying to distract, compensates, or override - we simply acknowledged.
Re-affirming my own gut instinct in what I think Alexis knows, how I think Alexis is dealing with this, how she reacts to my gradual communication about that I can't always give her boobs, how she gets really angry, and how I try to give dummy makes her even angrier (later I realises "shoving dummy" to shut her up is disrespectful and no wonder she gets angry!). I just dont believe in cold turkey method.
Colleen suggests how to wean breastfeeding during the day first, and discussed about making sure to give her lots of solids.
My increasing understanding of Alexis (compares to when she was 4 months) helped me to settle her to sleep with ways other than boobs. When her emotions take over (angry cry rage), the rhytmic bouncing up and down (in this case I bounce on mattress, which helps!) with consistent patting works, back then as 4 months old, and also now. The duration takes less and less.
Addressing the dilemmas of parenthood... and my take on it
Alexis's personality (observation at 15 months)
It has been so amazing and is a privilege to be able to observe the innate nature of my child, Alexis.
She hates being pressured. She is not the type that will succumb to peer pressure. Either she rebels (chuck the stuff and then stare back at you), gets angry, or leave (and abandon the whole thing). She shows that strong willed from very young (few months old).
In the first 10 months or so (before separation anxiety), Alexis is extremely smiley. But as she turns 1, she smiles less because she understands more. She has absolutely no pretence (im sure all babies dont pretend) - if she does not understand, she won't smile. She look at you in a confused look. But when she does get it, she gives you the biggest smile. She gives you the most serious look when she is manipulating objects.
Her temperament, character, and attributes have shown from such an early age, from newborn.
She is warm. She has that cheerful nature in her.
She has always been a smiley and happy baby (smiles since 4 weeks old).
She is not afraid to interact with strangers (chatting to two strangers for the entire 15 minutes when she was only 6 months old and I did not even know coz she was facing the other way and I was too busy chatting with my own friends, until the two strangers told me before they leave!)
She shows confidence in a lot of times.
She shows confidence in a lot of times.
She is also independent.
She is a born leader (not a follower), not afraid to make other people do stuff - lol.
Whilst she is not as physically explorative as baby boys in general - she is definitely not placid. With us, Alexis loves to test boundaries (her hobby! for example, she knows she is not allowed certain objects - like phone, sandals - when I noticed she is touching the sandals, I said dont do it! and she got so excited, run away on the spot, flapping her arms and say aaaaaarh. she also like to put her feet ABOVE the high chair table, when I said no she puts down her foot with a smile, and then she does it again and look at our face to get our reaction), likes to interact with people and also get reaction from people, loves anything to do with fine motor (manipulating objects) quite a lot. She loves pulling and pushing things, drawers, cables, anything of a hard object. Maybe because I buy a lot of those? lol its probably a chicken or egg theory. She gets really excited / her eyes lit up whenever she discovers something new in terms of object manipulation. She shows her soft side by kissing us, patting us, hugging her dolly & doggy. She loves us making dramatic gesture, or little gestures but have surprise component to it, and us making stupid, silly noises. Her laugh is the cutest thing ever - the best music to my ears. She shows her ba-bai side when she does something that she knows we wants (e.g. eating certain food, stacking things) and she claps to get us claps for her! lol. She loves interacting with strangers, staring at them, giving them stuff, getting them to do things (e.g. clapping). She has her jokey side and is just so so gao xiu (hilarious).
One thing I really notice, she shows the desire to be independent from such an early age.
She has the desire to takes charge, she would NOT let anyone put anything into her mouth, but is very gladly grab the spoon and put it into her own mouth. She would NOT let anyone brush her teeth, but is very gladly grab the toothbrush and put it into her own mouth, or my mouth!
She likes to copy people's gestures, she wants to do everything that the adults are doing. Example like drinking from a cup, mixing something in a bowl, put lipstick on lips, copy dancing when watching people dancing on TV, cheers. She just loves doing everything we do.
Sometimes she doesn't understand why she can't do what adults do(like opening a bottle lid, her fine motor is just not there yet) and so she gets very frustrated when she can't do it & throw the bottle out of frustration. Her perseverance is average (i won't say she is super determined), so when things get hard, often she just abandon it, rather than keep trying. It appears that she don't have that much patience. This is an area of improvement.
She goes into rage when she feels like she doesn't like the situation and is getting into a helpless stage. I calm her by either breastfeeding (but I use this too much) or rocking her so that she feels something greater than her own rage (i.e. the bounces) and that calms her and then makes her to go to sleep. We use the big bouncing ball a lot to make her sleep.
She does exhibit anger emotions - something I need to teach her how to manage.
She does exhibit anger emotions - something I need to teach her how to manage.
She hates being pressured. She is not the type that will succumb to peer pressure. Either she rebels (chuck the stuff and then stare back at you), gets angry, or leave (and abandon the whole thing). She shows that strong willed from very young (few months old).
Alexis is also a thinker and is a massive observer. Often, in a new environment, she would be one of the quietest. Whilst you see other babies already crawling / walking around, discovering objects, but you will see Alexis just stay still and barely responsive. There are so much things to see, she just goes into a complete immerse mode, absolute quiet and she also doesn't move much. She is definitely "think before she acts"- type of person. She needs to be familiar, comfortable (finish observing) the environment, before she start moving around, interact with people, playing with objects. Note she definitely pays attention to the people first before she goes to explore to any objects.
In the first 10 months or so (before separation anxiety), Alexis is extremely smiley. But as she turns 1, she smiles less because she understands more. She has absolutely no pretence (im sure all babies dont pretend) - if she does not understand, she won't smile. She look at you in a confused look. But when she does get it, she gives you the biggest smile. She gives you the most serious look when she is manipulating objects.
---------
Because of her strong will, she, more than average babies, really need a close guidance, particularly when she gets herself into undesirable situation & how to manage her emotions when its all over the place. When she is facing adversities, when she is not skilled yet, she need to gradually learn how to deal with that, and not let that get into her / making her too worked up / emotional - by first understanding what is happening with herself.
Her desire to be heard, get heard, is very strong. She tells you what she likes and dislikes. With me the mother as we build the trust, she is comfortable to tell me her moods, her discoveries, her journey. I feel very happy and privilege knowing that she trusts me enough to show me everything about her.
I very much let her lead the way. I am a strong supporter of whatever she does.
However when she is lost (you can tell by her start misbehaving, screaming, chucking stuff, throwing things, agitated) then I step up & take charge. I know during these moments, she needs capable adult to make the decision and give direction. Adult who is not afraid of her emotions, adult who step up, command a direction, set the environment is what she needs to narrow down / eliminate the confusion and makes her feels safe.
Sometimes when she hasn't gone into feeling emotional, say she cant open the bottle lid, she will give it to me and ask me to open it for her.
But when she feels emotional, then try to first acknowledge that emotion. But if you know she may not self soothe there and then. But you know she may not subside from that emotion, that you have to do bigger interference to help her soothe herself, either work on the perceived threat (whatever she cries about), if that doesn't help, then remove the object, if that still doesn't work, then physically change the environment (i.e. distract). At this age, whilst distraction helps a lot, try to have her confront her own feeling & the situation that makes her cry first.
It is a lot of work, energy and presence from an adult like her mom and her dad to assist them to grow to become a happy, self-confident, capable, well-balanced, well adjusted individual.
The realisation of baby crying & emerging confidence for me to navigate this tricky situation
The realisation of baby crying / self-soothe, it starts to make sense, and my own confidence/instinct to handle this tricky situation starts to emerge
--------
Before I was just blindly following the mantra - meet your baby's needs, provide her comfort and happy as much as you can. As a newborn, I think its great
Now I understand more. And plus baby is 15 months. Who knows when the "cut-off" ""ready-age" is but by now she can understand more too. It is very noticeable between 14-15 months that she has had a massive leaps in terms of what she can understand. It is hard to explain but as the mother, "I know" more than anyone else.
Now I can identify the three type of cries. It is definitely important to let the baby self-soothe, as in cry it out as a way to release tension. But if its done the wrong way, I still believe it can be damaging to the child too. Alexis goes into angry mode.
Then there is talks about my own boundary. If you are in the middle of drinking a cup, finish that cup before going upstairs and attend to your crying baby. Slowly your baby knows that other people have their needs too.
Can they distinct between people? yes of course.
Regarding what jillian said, in terms of your own boundary, you will know. That is the part where there is shark music from your past etc, and then your attempt to get 'sympathy' from other people by putting down yourself so so much. i really don't need to do that.
--------
Before I was just blindly following the mantra - meet your baby's needs, provide her comfort and happy as much as you can. As a newborn, I think its great
Now I understand more. And plus baby is 15 months. Who knows when the "cut-off" ""ready-age" is but by now she can understand more too. It is very noticeable between 14-15 months that she has had a massive leaps in terms of what she can understand. It is hard to explain but as the mother, "I know" more than anyone else.
Now I can identify the three type of cries. It is definitely important to let the baby self-soothe, as in cry it out as a way to release tension. But if its done the wrong way, I still believe it can be damaging to the child too. Alexis goes into angry mode.
Then there is talks about my own boundary. If you are in the middle of drinking a cup, finish that cup before going upstairs and attend to your crying baby. Slowly your baby knows that other people have their needs too.
Can they distinct between people? yes of course.
Regarding what jillian said, in terms of your own boundary, you will know. That is the part where there is shark music from your past etc, and then your attempt to get 'sympathy' from other people by putting down yourself so so much. i really don't need to do that.
Journey of me becoming a confident happy mom
Most important ingredient
Mom being happy, fulfilled, content is the most important ingredient
If i am not a happy person, everything flows through
The baby can feel it from you
You really gotta look after yourself, before looking after other people
That is the most important take-away message
You gotta be practical, realistic and work hard to establish a nice environment for your little family to the best that you can
Your positioning is so so imporant in life
(1) Your work / income
- your income
- your working hours
- your commuting hours
- you need to make sure you can achieve some kind of balance not to overwork but at the same time have sufficient income to support your lifestyle
(2) Your house / location
our house is not ideal but it is part of the package. so we just have to work with what we have got
we are allowed to whinge here and there but overall we just have to suck it up and try to do things we can control, such as improving the house, add ceiling fans, lighting, make it nice. Think about storage, really try to declutter and sort out your stuff. So that you can make your house the best possible thing, since you spend so much time in it (in my case to live and to work).
(3) Your people
This is arguably the most important, who do you spend time with? I am lucky that I have a great relationship with my husband. Our foundation is strong as a little nucleus family. Then you have your family - the people you cannot choose. For example, for the first seven months, Jack's mom has been terrible for my self esteem. I was vulnerable, lost, and also yearn a motherhood connection. But the more I open myself up, the more I get butchered by her perfectionist standard. I find myself become a lot more anxious, worried and less confident person every time she visits. Then I realised that she is generally not a very giving person, severely lack of empathy / understanding of people in general, and not comfortable being around with people who struggles. So that is her problem. The change that I made firstly is I've decided that I dont want her in my life as much. Gneerally I am the kind of person that operate better by myself anyway at the beginning, until I have the confidence to be able to tell people that yes I know what I am doing, this is my decision I am doing it this way and if you need to know, this is why. I better operate without her.
In terms of my own family, I want them to help me but at the same time I may not be able to give them what they want in return. My mum has high emotional needs, need feedback and consultation on every single thing. I am not able to provide that and if that becomes tricky and if not done right, become emotionally very draining for me.
So for that front, basically with your family you just have to draw the right amount of boundaries within yourself. Too much is not good. Too little is not good. Over time, you adjust that boundary with them, and that is OK.
Friends are a lot more open. You can choose the people that you want to interact with on regular basis. This takes work, if not more work. If you dont know each other well you won't go to their house and meet in public places. And then you have to fit your schedules to other people's schedules and feel bad if you run late, etc etc. And it also takes work, you may want to be close with them but they are not ready to open up with you. A lot of trial and error. That is all part of the process.
Though with the right friends, you are talking about finding the right people, finding the people that have similar values to you, similar parenting style, people you can talk to, people you can connect, people that can encourage and support you in that way, and you can support them too. That will be the biggest single ingredient. The more you find your people, the more you can thrive, less isolated, depressed, and can handle life's challenges better. It always feels better after you talk it out to someone who is willing to listen / can understand.
So that is the eco-system.
------------
In my case, I have a business I need to care for. Unfortunately I can't just bea stay at home mom who can cater for my Alexis 100%. But that just means Alexis will have to grow up sooner and mingle with the society sooner.
I need to form a plan that is going to be right for Alexis and that would be best to be formulated by me, by anyone else. And I have to trust my gut instinct.
Unless I become a confident mom, I will get swayed left and right over this tricky matter. Thankfully I am becoming that confident mom who trusts my own instinct and decision. That is some thing that is very important to be able to deal with these challenges. And I am certainly getting better.
Why having confidence & conviction matters
You are much more convincing if you truly believe in it. Your baby will sense it for sure too. If you are confident with your purpose, not too groggy with dropping your baby to the childcare, (they dont sense the anxiety). then they in turn will feel safer that way.
How to be an empathetic and firm leader. Firm = confidence & conviction. Empathetic = verbal, actions, etc.
-------
How do you ensure transitioning is smooth?
How do you develop connection with the child?
If the child is distressed, incosolable and gets really angry, what would you do?
Do you believe that child can cry over nothing,
How do you think child learn to self soothe?
What effort will you do, to console distressed child?
I am looking for a warm environment for my toddler.
----------
Mom being happy, fulfilled, content is the most important ingredient
If i am not a happy person, everything flows through
The baby can feel it from you
You really gotta look after yourself, before looking after other people
That is the most important take-away message
You gotta be practical, realistic and work hard to establish a nice environment for your little family to the best that you can
Your positioning is so so imporant in life
(1) Your work / income
- your income
- your working hours
- your commuting hours
- you need to make sure you can achieve some kind of balance not to overwork but at the same time have sufficient income to support your lifestyle
(2) Your house / location
our house is not ideal but it is part of the package. so we just have to work with what we have got
we are allowed to whinge here and there but overall we just have to suck it up and try to do things we can control, such as improving the house, add ceiling fans, lighting, make it nice. Think about storage, really try to declutter and sort out your stuff. So that you can make your house the best possible thing, since you spend so much time in it (in my case to live and to work).
(3) Your people
This is arguably the most important, who do you spend time with? I am lucky that I have a great relationship with my husband. Our foundation is strong as a little nucleus family. Then you have your family - the people you cannot choose. For example, for the first seven months, Jack's mom has been terrible for my self esteem. I was vulnerable, lost, and also yearn a motherhood connection. But the more I open myself up, the more I get butchered by her perfectionist standard. I find myself become a lot more anxious, worried and less confident person every time she visits. Then I realised that she is generally not a very giving person, severely lack of empathy / understanding of people in general, and not comfortable being around with people who struggles. So that is her problem. The change that I made firstly is I've decided that I dont want her in my life as much. Gneerally I am the kind of person that operate better by myself anyway at the beginning, until I have the confidence to be able to tell people that yes I know what I am doing, this is my decision I am doing it this way and if you need to know, this is why. I better operate without her.
In terms of my own family, I want them to help me but at the same time I may not be able to give them what they want in return. My mum has high emotional needs, need feedback and consultation on every single thing. I am not able to provide that and if that becomes tricky and if not done right, become emotionally very draining for me.
So for that front, basically with your family you just have to draw the right amount of boundaries within yourself. Too much is not good. Too little is not good. Over time, you adjust that boundary with them, and that is OK.
Friends are a lot more open. You can choose the people that you want to interact with on regular basis. This takes work, if not more work. If you dont know each other well you won't go to their house and meet in public places. And then you have to fit your schedules to other people's schedules and feel bad if you run late, etc etc. And it also takes work, you may want to be close with them but they are not ready to open up with you. A lot of trial and error. That is all part of the process.
Though with the right friends, you are talking about finding the right people, finding the people that have similar values to you, similar parenting style, people you can talk to, people you can connect, people that can encourage and support you in that way, and you can support them too. That will be the biggest single ingredient. The more you find your people, the more you can thrive, less isolated, depressed, and can handle life's challenges better. It always feels better after you talk it out to someone who is willing to listen / can understand.
So that is the eco-system.
------------
In my case, I have a business I need to care for. Unfortunately I can't just bea stay at home mom who can cater for my Alexis 100%. But that just means Alexis will have to grow up sooner and mingle with the society sooner.
I need to form a plan that is going to be right for Alexis and that would be best to be formulated by me, by anyone else. And I have to trust my gut instinct.
Unless I become a confident mom, I will get swayed left and right over this tricky matter. Thankfully I am becoming that confident mom who trusts my own instinct and decision. That is some thing that is very important to be able to deal with these challenges. And I am certainly getting better.
Why having confidence & conviction matters
You are much more convincing if you truly believe in it. Your baby will sense it for sure too. If you are confident with your purpose, not too groggy with dropping your baby to the childcare, (they dont sense the anxiety). then they in turn will feel safer that way.
How to be an empathetic and firm leader. Firm = confidence & conviction. Empathetic = verbal, actions, etc.
-------
How do you ensure transitioning is smooth?
How do you develop connection with the child?
If the child is distressed, incosolable and gets really angry, what would you do?
Do you believe that child can cry over nothing,
How do you think child learn to self soothe?
What effort will you do, to console distressed child?
I am looking for a warm environment for my toddler.
----------
Type of cry
Type 1 cry - obvious cry - physical needs unmet
hungry, tired/sleepy, fell down, teething pain
how to treat: attend to her needs
-------------
Type 2 cry - less obvious cry - emotional needs unmet
just had enough, tired, grumpy, overwhelmed, accumulated disappointments
note: often mistaken as 'fake cry/noise'
how to treat: often you dont know why she is upset, verbalise her frustration/upset, but dont tell her to stop crying, just be present & she will feel better after crying it all out as a way to release tension
-------------
Type 3 cry - immediate cry - whingey, disappointment, protest
you can tell, when she wants something and she didnt get it, she cry as a way to protest and express disapproval. this can also be when she saw baba/mama comes into room then they walked out.
note: often mistaken as 'fake cry/noise'
how to treat: be firm with your decision, stay present, verbalise her disappointed feeling "you are mad because i dont give you the glass bowl" - either you let her cry to release tension, or if the cry is just a whinge, distract.
unresolved: wean settling to sleep (i.e. to ensure day naps is possible without boobs)
unresolved2: less boobs during the day (i.e. top it up with lots of solids)
unresolved3: mom being away for extended period
unresolved4: baby can sleep at night time without being resettled by boobs
Why need to go to childcare
Day naps without boobs
Routine as close as childcare as possible
Letting baby have independent plays (and you stay in one spot) whilst the baby explores around
Get baby used to be in environment with other kids & other adults
Why need to stop breastfeeding
hungry, tired/sleepy, fell down, teething pain
how to treat: attend to her needs
-------------
Type 2 cry - less obvious cry - emotional needs unmet
just had enough, tired, grumpy, overwhelmed, accumulated disappointments
note: often mistaken as 'fake cry/noise'
how to treat: often you dont know why she is upset, verbalise her frustration/upset, but dont tell her to stop crying, just be present & she will feel better after crying it all out as a way to release tension
-------------
Type 3 cry - immediate cry - whingey, disappointment, protest
you can tell, when she wants something and she didnt get it, she cry as a way to protest and express disapproval. this can also be when she saw baba/mama comes into room then they walked out.
note: often mistaken as 'fake cry/noise'
how to treat: be firm with your decision, stay present, verbalise her disappointed feeling "you are mad because i dont give you the glass bowl" - either you let her cry to release tension, or if the cry is just a whinge, distract.
unresolved: wean settling to sleep (i.e. to ensure day naps is possible without boobs)
unresolved2: less boobs during the day (i.e. top it up with lots of solids)
unresolved3: mom being away for extended period
unresolved4: baby can sleep at night time without being resettled by boobs
Why need to go to childcare
Day naps without boobs
Routine as close as childcare as possible
Letting baby have independent plays (and you stay in one spot) whilst the baby explores around
Get baby used to be in environment with other kids & other adults
Why need to stop breastfeeding
15 months - Feeding
6:30am - Wake up
6:30am - Breastfeed
7:45am - 8:45am - Breakfast (a bowl of cheerios, full cream cows milk, peach)
11:00am - Morning tea (cheese stick, kiwi, a bit of passionfruit muffin)
11:30am - Lunch (rice, fish, celery)
12 noon - Nap (Slept by herself, no need nursing)
2pm - Wake up
3:30pm - Afternoon tea (cracker, strawberry rice cracker)
5:30pm - Dinner (rice, lamb, celery)
8:30pm - Supper (cracker)
10pm - Breastfeed
10pm - Sleep
1am - Breastfeed
4am - Breastfeed
6am - Awake
6:30am - Breastfeed
7:45am - 8:45am - Breakfast (a bowl of cheerios, full cream cows milk, peach)
11:00am - Morning tea (cheese stick, kiwi, a bit of passionfruit muffin)
11:30am - Lunch (rice, fish, celery)
12 noon - Nap (Slept by herself, no need nursing)
2pm - Wake up
3:30pm - Afternoon tea (cracker, strawberry rice cracker)
5:30pm - Dinner (rice, lamb, celery)
8:30pm - Supper (cracker)
10pm - Breastfeed
10pm - Sleep
1am - Breastfeed
4am - Breastfeed
6am - Awake
14 months old regression
Just when I think I got her pattern down pat, she changed it again.
Three weeks ago it all begun by Alexis slept in her high chair at 6:30pm, twice exactly at 6:30pm, and then the subsequent two nights she slept at 10pm.
Since then she was waking up SO frequently at night, every 1-2 hours. It drives me crazy, triggered my arthritis pain, it made me feel anxious with frequent, random and 'unpredictable' pain all over my body. My baby is also much more clingy during the day, I have to breastfeed her to calm her down.
Leap 9 - Walking, talking a lot more
Eight teeth coming out
Ate a lot less solids
Ezcema flares
Since the two combo, I felt like we are back to newborn stage
Breastfeed more frequenly during the day - Before, she feeds first thing in early morning (say 4am) then morning (say 10am) then not until 7-8pm - so 2 times during the day. Now she breastfeeds 4am 7am 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, so 4-5 times during the day. She often cries in pain. Her solid intake has reduced so I wonder which comes first, but its not good.
Breastfeed more frequently at night - Before, every three hours. Now every one-two hours. She often cries in pain. Even sometimes breastfeed don't settle her.
Eat less solid - I am seriously starting to worry that she does not eat enough. She even rejected her rice (come on she is such an asian baby who loves her rice), rejected her meat sometimes, and don't eat as much for breakfast. She completely reject vegetables. She still loves yoghurt though.
Now can only be put to bed by boobs only - Before she can sleep 30% of the time being pat pat on bed, 30% of the time being held, and 40% of the time by boobs. But now its 100% by boobs. I am worried of her dependency on boobs.
Dropped to 1 nap!
Within the last week,
She wakes up around 6:30am
Her nap times are ranging between
10am-1pm
11am-1pm
11am-2pm
She sleeps about 7pm-8:30pm, and wakes up at 6-7am
She wakes up around 6:30am
Her nap times are ranging between
10am-1pm
11am-1pm
11am-2pm
She sleeps about 7pm-8:30pm, and wakes up at 6-7am
12 months of my beautiful daughter
How my baby daughter, at 12 months of age (or even younger, 10-12 months) would lean her head against me, hug me, kiss me
How every morning when she wakes up (she usually wakes up first) she would crawl and lie her head against mine
How when she hugs me, she would lean her head against me
How she would kiss me when we are close, and its often just because she wants to
I feel absolutely loved when daddy and baby both kissed me at the same time this morning
Moments like this makes me feel so happy, so special
How every morning when she wakes up (she usually wakes up first) she would crawl and lie her head against mine
How when she hugs me, she would lean her head against me
How she would kiss me when we are close, and its often just because she wants to
I feel absolutely loved when daddy and baby both kissed me at the same time this morning
Moments like this makes me feel so happy, so special
My Current Routine (12 months old)
My routine has changed! Since three days ago
It feels like it has been awhile since I wrote a reflection about my life
Really dont know what happened the last four weeks
Whirlwind
Did not really get to sit down, reflect, and breathe
Did not even talk to Jack until a week after Melbourne trip
* * *
Bub wakes up 6-6:30am
Parents are too sleepy and normally don't really attend until 6:30am
Breakfast by 7:15-8am
Finish breakfast by 8:30am
Milk on demand at 9:30-10:30am - if she has full breakfast maybe not milk
Nap is not until 10:30am - 11am, so either stay at home or go out and back by 11am
Nap until 1-2pm (1.5-3 hours)
Lunch is 1-2pm straight after nap
Then normally we go out, and it is a good stretch now we can go out
Then don't nap again until 7-8:30pm
Milk on demand at 5-6pm or if we have dinner early for bub, milk is not until 7-8pm
It feels like it has been awhile since I wrote a reflection about my life
Really dont know what happened the last four weeks
Whirlwind
Did not really get to sit down, reflect, and breathe
Did not even talk to Jack until a week after Melbourne trip
* * *
Bub wakes up 6-6:30am
Parents are too sleepy and normally don't really attend until 6:30am
Breakfast by 7:15-8am
Finish breakfast by 8:30am
Milk on demand at 9:30-10:30am - if she has full breakfast maybe not milk
Nap is not until 10:30am - 11am, so either stay at home or go out and back by 11am
Nap until 1-2pm (1.5-3 hours)
Lunch is 1-2pm straight after nap
Then normally we go out, and it is a good stretch now we can go out
Then don't nap again until 7-8:30pm
Milk on demand at 5-6pm or if we have dinner early for bub, milk is not until 7-8pm
Putting Alexis to sleep
I had the loveliest time with Alexis
It is 11am, so definitely her nap time
She was in her star sleeping bag already
But she still moves around quite actively
So I put her in the cot
And she pulls herself up, standing against the cot rail
She is smiling and giggling
Knowing at this rate she won't be sleeping
I pick her up and hold her in my arms
I gently sshhhing her to sleep
Her eyes are looking tired and she is getting there
She decides to do the occassional jerking, whilst giggling
Then I blow her tummy and she is shrieking in delight
Then I gently ssshhing her to sleep again
Do this 3-4 times and then i find her very sweetly fell asleep in my arms
Dummy came off
And I place her gently in the cot
and she continues on sleeping
I was in a pretty good mood
and i think she would have got my positivities and be in good mood too
its great
It is 11am, so definitely her nap time
She was in her star sleeping bag already
But she still moves around quite actively
So I put her in the cot
And she pulls herself up, standing against the cot rail
She is smiling and giggling
Knowing at this rate she won't be sleeping
I pick her up and hold her in my arms
I gently sshhhing her to sleep
Her eyes are looking tired and she is getting there
She decides to do the occassional jerking, whilst giggling
Then I blow her tummy and she is shrieking in delight
Then I gently ssshhing her to sleep again
Do this 3-4 times and then i find her very sweetly fell asleep in my arms
Dummy came off
And I place her gently in the cot
and she continues on sleeping
I was in a pretty good mood
and i think she would have got my positivities and be in good mood too
its great
My beautiful first 12 months with Alexis
My beautiful first 12 months with Alexis
I hold her
I hug her a lot
I hold myself to no regrets that I stick with my guns on not letting her cry unattended, even if that means
- being different to the rest of the pack
I hold her
I hug her a lot
I hold myself to no regrets that I stick with my guns on not letting her cry unattended, even if that means
- being different to the rest of the pack
First time of 7 to 7!
7pm to 7am!
nap was 10:45am to 2:15pm (2.5 hours)
then she doesn't sleep until 7:15pm, and she was quite exhausted
she does wake up at 8pm for feed, then 11pm, then 2am, then 4am, then 5am then 6am I think
nap was 10:45am to 2:15pm (2.5 hours)
then she doesn't sleep until 7:15pm, and she was quite exhausted
she does wake up at 8pm for feed, then 11pm, then 2am, then 4am, then 5am then 6am I think
Rotational Review
Rotational Review of
- Baby Food / cooking
- Baby Routines / sleeping
- Baby Allergy / Skincare
- Baby Play / developmental
- Project - e.g. childcare, baby birthday, photo shoots
- Building my social network 'mommies'
By being 'relaxed', it can lead to aimless, and when im aimless, I end up creating simple goals to keep me going, but then I can fall into mind trap of simple goals when unattained, then I assume I am failing... don't be!
Don't be!
My current routine (bub 10.5 months)
These days I have a routine
First thing that I do once baby naps is to prepare for her lunch, and if I am hungry for myself to eat first. That includes cleaning the high chair, the utensils, continue with dishes. Preparing lunch often involves just defrosting meal.
First nap - what I do depends on what errand I have to do, how tired I am physically and mentally, how ready I am to cook
Short errands
+
Short prepare meal (defrost)
+
Short rest
OR
Large errands (for example work)
+
Short prepare meal
(stress)
OR
Full rest'
OR
Long prepare meal (for example cooking up a dish from scratch)
-------
,, you get the gist, I think the key is to prioritise and be realistic.
This is also because I dont know how long / when will the baby get up.
Whatever I can't get done (e.g. eating my lunch, finish filing out form) I try to do it whilst baby is awake after nap, but I try not to do it too long. If I plan to go out after baby's lunch I will also prepare to go out (e.g. for me to get changed first). Often it depends on my mental state, when I am in not anxious / depressed mode, I can get a lot done. However on the contrary too.
After first nap is generally 12:30pm to 2pm. When she gets up usually she is pretty happy because of the ample sleep. I put cream on her face and ensure she has no poop. Then its time for baby to have lunch.
After lunch range from 1pm to 3pm. That includes cleaning the baby, putting B5 cream on her. Depending on the length of her first nap, determine how long she will be awake for. But generally 2-5 hours - averaging 3 hours (or more if she naps more) which is how long can I go out for. Of course there can be exceptions whereby she will be out and about for longer but that is the risk I need to take, and whether I go on my own or with Jack, where can she nap if she get tired earlier - e.g. car. If we have big errands, then I may have to pack lunch, which I have not really done successfully yet.
Glad finally I have a routine, never thought I'd eventually get there
Bub has early morning milk 5am-6:30am
Bub wakes up 7am-9am, on average is 8am-8:30am
I go to toilet
Change bub nappy and moisturise her legs
Put B5 on her face
Sterilise dummies
Clean bub's water bottle
Clean pink bucket (for sisi)
Bring bub downstairs
Now I can prepare breakfast whilst bub roam around downstairs even though it is still a bit tense
By 8:30am-9am bub would be getting hungry, I want to give her solid rather than milk
Solid is usually oats + rice milk + fruit + yoghurt, or bread + yoghurt + fruit
I would eventually like to try to give pancakes (apple pancake, banana pancake, blueberries pancake) and weet bix
Lucky the baby takes time for eating her meal (and she eats them herself, bless)
I use this time to eat myself, cleaning, putting out dishes from dishwasher, clean her plates and utensils
After breakfast I clean her - if clothes are bad, I changed it and whilst I removed the clothes, I moisturise her upper body, put B5 on her face again.
Then I offer her water bottle and let her play
During this time I will either play with her or sort out her laundry and everything else that need to be done upstairs.
During this time I will either play with her or sort out her laundry and everything else that need to be done upstairs.
I need to remember to check on her poop, not just before she is super tired to sleep, but beforehand.
About10-11am I give her milk
Sometimes at the same time she would sleep (feed to sleep)
Otherwise I will put her to sleep a bit later 11-12noon
If her face need more treatment, I used my breast feeding time to wipe her face, put more creams (B5, moisturiser, or calendula - I dont tend to give her steroid unless its after bath).
If her face need more treatment, I used my breast feeding time to wipe her face, put more creams (B5, moisturiser, or calendula - I dont tend to give her steroid unless its after bath).
There is generally a variety of choices I can do after breakfast is for me to go out (say from 9am to 10:30am - so 1.5 hour including travel time to go somewhere, rhyme library, buy something in Westfield, etc. If I have a plan to go, then I will keep breakfast simpler / easier to clean the baby afterwards. Sometimes just wipe her hand and face and go, no need to go upstairs again. But it can be a little intense so unless I am in good state mentally and physically, I won't even attempt it as it can be quite tiring.
She then has her first nap.
The first nap goes from 1 hour to 3 hours. Used to be 2-3 hours averaging 2-2.5 hours - during this window I can actually fit work / productive things in it. But nowadays she slept 1-1.5 hour which I think is good, I dont want it to be too long as it will stretch her night a lot more. She actually sleeps better at night if her day naps arent too long like 3 hours.
So there is a pro and con, if she naps more during the day I can get work done, but otherwise I can try to get work done at night once the bub is asleep. I feel like it is a fair game.
First thing that I do once baby naps is to prepare for her lunch, and if I am hungry for myself to eat first. That includes cleaning the high chair, the utensils, continue with dishes. Preparing lunch often involves just defrosting meal.
First nap - what I do depends on what errand I have to do, how tired I am physically and mentally, how ready I am to cook
Short errands
+
Short prepare meal (defrost)
+
Short rest
OR
Large errands (for example work)
+
Short prepare meal
(stress)
OR
Full rest'
OR
Long prepare meal (for example cooking up a dish from scratch)
-------
,, you get the gist, I think the key is to prioritise and be realistic.
This is also because I dont know how long / when will the baby get up.
Whatever I can't get done (e.g. eating my lunch, finish filing out form) I try to do it whilst baby is awake after nap, but I try not to do it too long. If I plan to go out after baby's lunch I will also prepare to go out (e.g. for me to get changed first). Often it depends on my mental state, when I am in not anxious / depressed mode, I can get a lot done. However on the contrary too.
After first nap is generally 12:30pm to 2pm. When she gets up usually she is pretty happy because of the ample sleep. I put cream on her face and ensure she has no poop. Then its time for baby to have lunch.
After lunch range from 1pm to 3pm. That includes cleaning the baby, putting B5 cream on her. Depending on the length of her first nap, determine how long she will be awake for. But generally 2-5 hours - averaging 3 hours (or more if she naps more) which is how long can I go out for. Of course there can be exceptions whereby she will be out and about for longer but that is the risk I need to take, and whether I go on my own or with Jack, where can she nap if she get tired earlier - e.g. car. If we have big errands, then I may have to pack lunch, which I have not really done successfully yet.
My life
I feel like my life is full of emotions
I choose to live with intensity of emotions
With love
With passion
Bursting out from my heart
Thats how I choose to live
Where I can't let it out
I just let it out with burst of tears
Its been trained to be suppressed always
Have not really learnt how to express it using other ways
Its been trained to be suppressed always
Have not really learnt how to express it using other ways
My New Life as a Mom - Part 2
I have basically dived down to each one of these areas and have somewhat found my happy medium.
Baby
Care for my baby, physically, emotionally and developmentally
Business
Support husband for the business
Self Care
Go to gym 3x per week
Walk outside once a day
A timeout for myself to reflect and re-energise
Kitchen
Cooking
Preparing for meals
Feeding baby nutritious food
Running a Household
Laundry
Cleaning
Tidy Up
Balancing Families
Managing their expectations
Somewhat regular catch-ups and connecting
Seeking Inspirations & Outside Life
Meet mom friends
Talk to friends
Productive Projects
Be realistic
Chew it in bite sized pieces but be consistent
Baby
Care for my baby, physically, emotionally and developmentally
Business
Support husband for the business
Self Care
Go to gym 3x per week
Walk outside once a day
A timeout for myself to reflect and re-energise
Kitchen
Cooking
Preparing for meals
Feeding baby nutritious food
Running a Household
Laundry
Cleaning
Tidy Up
Balancing Families
Managing their expectations
Somewhat regular catch-ups and connecting
Seeking Inspirations & Outside Life
Meet mom friends
Talk to friends
Productive Projects
Be realistic
Chew it in bite sized pieces but be consistent
What I need to do every day :)
1. Eat a bowl of green salad every day
2. Read book with baby once a day
3. New dish every week
4. Wind down every night, listen to music, take a bath, lavender oil, drink chamomile tea, take a moment to care of yourself
5. Meet mom friends once a week (weekday) - set appointment for two, hopefully 1 comes through!
Find ways to connect with your baby
Infants are actively developing their core executive function (EF) and self-regulation (SR) skills. Supportive, responsive, interactions with adults are the foundation for the healthy development of these skills.
LAP GAMES
Peekaboo
Pat-a-cake
HIDING GAMES
Hide toy under cloth
Hide toy inside a bag
Hide toy under cup and move the cup
COPYING GAMES
Wave goodbye
Copy action (take turns)
Show baby how to use toys
Put farm toys in barnyard
FINGER PLAYS
Eensy weensy
Open Shut them
CONVERSATIONS
Name aloud things that baby has attention to
Point on things & say out loud on things that baby has attention to
Caregiving
Caregiving—especially quality caregiving—requires a ridiculous amount of attention, patience, and energy. It’s totally understandable to want a few moments of peace every day to (gasp!) use the bathroom alone.
Power of online community
I posted the below out of frustration to the Facebook online community. I was basically overwhelmed by the sheer of work and grind from feeding a dependant:
I just need a place to vent
I am so overwhelmed with solids feeding that I find myself end up skipping meals on her - rather than feed her 3x a day I only fed her twice or once a day.
I get So anxious and tired, sometimes I can't even get up from bed out of exhaustion.
Baby is 8.5 months old, love her to bits and I obviously need to feed her 3 meals a day. We give her mashed food, finger foods, food packet, etc.
But everytime I feed her, this is the grind:
-Put baby down to floor for her to play
-Get food ready
-Put them in baby tray / make sure temperature OK etc
-Get the baby
-Put a bib on her
-Put an apron on her
-Once done with eating, wipe her hands & mouth
-Clean her & change her
-Skincare her - wipe face with warm water towel (its winter), moisturise, barrier cream (my baby has eczema), replace bandage to any broken skin
-Wipe chair
-Wipe floor / replace floor newspaper
-Wash apron/bib
-Wash her clothes, multiple times to get stain off
-Wash my clothes
I know millions of other moms do this, but I just want to complain it is such a task every time! How do other moms do it and keep it consistent???
Right now bub is 8.5 months, so her primary source is still milk.
Underlying problem is - I have arthritism, joint pain everywhere and my hands are often sore to do tasks like this. Battling with baby is the most physically and tiring part.
Apart from husband (who works full time), I got no one to help me.
Preparing food is one whole lot of other thing! Currently I use food packets, I am learning to cook new meals every week I want to give my baby better food soon.
Anyone has tips and tricks just to make it easier? I cannot strip her with no clothes as its winter & she cries if I wipe her body, I would rather wash her clothes afterwards - rather than fighting to clean her body every time.
The point is - sometimes this gets so overwhelming that I end up skipping meal for my baby. I feel guilty afterwards. Now I feel so upset about myself, I promise I will do better tomorrow!
I received over 100 responses and they are all so supportive and soo nice! I found tips and tricks to improve and basically 3 weeks later, I am used to it :)
Happy First Mothers Day
Dear Alexis,
Its been an absolute pleasure being your mother
I treasure every moments I get to hold you in my arms, every day
We sway to the left and right, we sing, we dance, we look at each other in the mirror a lot
* * *
Putting you to sleep is another favorite moment of mine
Seeing your beautiful little face, beautiful little lashes, beautiful little mouth
That is when I whisper to you, I love you
* * *
I love to hold you at every chance that I get, as much as my physical being allows me to
Because I know these moments don't last forever
You will grow too big, too heavy to be in my arms
* * *
Dear Alexis
You made me laugh out loud every day
Your little antics, your hilarious expressions, voices, movements
The new things that you came up with every day, never cease to amaze me
* * *
Even though I am generally not that funny of a person
But I do all I can to make you laugh
Blow into your belly, 'surprise kiss' you everyday
Making funny expressions just to get you to smile
I love it when I succeed
* * *
Feeding you is another favorite moment of mine
Even though I spent a lot of those times cleaning your face and putting cream on you
You give me that look that you don't like it, but you still let me (sometimes)
Sometimes I don't have to do it, so I get to relax and just play with you
The smiles that we exchanges with each other
I love it so much I don't want those to end
* * *
Changing nappies have been really fun too
We get to find out what is 'hiding' under those nappy
Is it O Xi Xi or is it O Liu Liu?
Your dad is such a drama queen, he scream the house down every time its O Xi Xi
Seeing you grow on that changing table has been amazing
Your size, your vocals, your moves
The moment you grab those nappies, wipes, jiggle the keyboard, and kick off the sudocream
That is when I realised you have really grown up
* * *
For now, I have all the luxuries in the world
I don't have to worry about disciplining you as you are still a little baby
I don't have to be the 'parent' - I am just "there" for you
I can kiss you, hug you, as much as I like, as you are not protesting yet
I don't have to worry about work, money and real life worries
I can be fully present for you
I really treasure this window of time
* * *
I know this relationship will evolve as we grow older
I don't know what it will be like in the future
But I know one thing won't change
That I will love you forever
* * *
Why am I enrolling our child to a Private School
The ongoing debate: Private School vs Public School
Context: High School only
Gives the child a sense of belonging that she can be proud of
- is it a headstart? I believe it is
- does it gives the child confidence? I believe it can
- the pitch to the child: look, it really doesn't matter which school you go to, the most important is you put your own effort into it. but the school is alright.
- the pitch will NOT be - its an expensive school! u gotta do well in it or else!! - I don't plan to pitch it this way
Quality of environment
- naturally, the fellow students, the fellow parents, the fellow school community - are more affluent
- either they are affluent or they work very hard to put their kids to expensive school
- naturally that means there will be more of well-sufficient, productive, efficient people that make up this community
- generally speaking - majority of the population - parents tend to work hard (often dual income in today's age) to provide - their minds are filled with work, work, work. they don't have enough time / mental space to invest into their child. but i beg to differ, Work is not a priority to me anymore. i would try to provide that education, dedicate that time, starting from home. This does not necessarily mean public school or private school, but definitely want to surround myself with more like-minded parents
Quality of teachers
- better teachers go to places that are better paid
- teachers that are passionate, that takes pride of their quality of teaching
- there will be an expectation of support towards the child, should the child have shortfalls / weakness
International opportunities / broaden your world view
- if you are good enough to go to Oxford or Cambridge for a school experience, then why not? Its like you are automatically being put into a fast bullet train that gets you to explore the world.
------------------------------
Downsides - money
The money that can be spent elsewhere... so many other things..
Downsides - travelling
Can we afford to move closer? Who knows...
Downsides - risk of snobbiness - unable to cope
This is just a possibility. Often you don't feel that snobbiness, provided you hangout with the right groups within your class. But the effect of this really depends on the individual. The risk is for the individual to
- feel inferior because everyone else seems richer than her
- feel jealous because everyone else seems to be able to afford nicer things
- feel low self esteem because getting snubbed by condescending people
There is definitely a risk of that what I would call, unnecessary, dynamics. But at the same time, if you can get through that:
- you will be strong
- you will grow a backbone to say "its your parents that are rich, not you"
- it propels you to study harder
- you stay above the peer pressure, that is, you simply recognises these people, but you don't feel the need to "be like them"
If she is strongly the kind of child that is prone to it, even from primary school (i.e. no backbone, have severe confidence / jealous issue) then this is the time when I will reconsider withdrawing her enrollment into private school.
Downsides - risk of snobbiness - too proud
The other effect is for you to be delusional, that you belong to this "elite group", for you to end up feeling too proud of yourself and you look down other people. Well guess what child, mama is the type that can shoot you back down to the ground - keep you grounded.
* * *
How about public school ?
Not ruling out public school completely.
Of course when it comes to a very good public school, it will also have nice environment, good teachers, good students too - it meets the needs. But in my case, I have to move house to get close to whatever that good public school is. Otherwise it may be hard to get in. Moving house is something we can contemplate at a later time, if it work out that way, then why not. Too stressful in the meantime.
Does it has to be a very good public school? How about just "any" public school? Well I would think, if I can put my child into the "better train", have more opportunities, broaden her horizons more, get her to meet more quality people, then why not?
Celebrations in being a Mom
I am reflecting upon my life so far - from being pregnant to becoming a mom. My life has changed forever 15 months ago.
What does it mean being a Mom? There are so many ways to perceive. I finally made up my own perspective. This perspective is a conscious choice, picked by me, in terms of how I want to see myself, how I want the society to see me. And of course, I pick a celebration.
* * *
A career woman, a devotee to my family - in my own way
In my previous life, I was a career woman and a devotee to my family. Work was a huge part of my life - I took my role seriously, from a graduate accountant, taxation accountant, financial accountant, financial manager, financial specialist. I loved my job. Being in Anglo for 5 years, I knew a lot of systems and I gained pretty good technical skill & understanding on how everything works. On top of that, I am no fool when it comes to people - I was able to built genuine rapport with most of my work people, and I escaped politics simply by being kind and genuine. As such, I was valued by many, by my bosses, peers, sub-ordinates, as I always just focus on giving.
I knew I was extreme - but my extremity was what set me apart - in good ways & in bad ways. The good ways - people respected me highly, people knows I was one of the most dedicated person ever, people does not question my integrity - I can rock up to work late, and be away for half a day and people never question me - they just think I am just busy at meetings. The bad ways - I can be too serious, I can be too robotic / my jokes can be sarcastic, and if I let my guard down somewhat, but in a very silent / awkward way. I refuse to talk too much during social environments. I did not change who I was, I was simply moulding it to the best I could, to suit the corporate environment.
A devotee to my family, I saw a lot of shortfalls amongst my family members, trying to fill the gaps and doing the best I could to make them productive. Even if it means effectively managing a business (or 2, or 3) outside my day job. I spent most of my weekends doing bookkeepings, BAS, budgeting, etc.
When we moved house, when we started devoting ourselves to this big business, when we started to devote ourselves into everything babies, and our own health issues... the career part of me & the family devotee - has gone out of the window.
* * *
And then I have lost a sense of who I was, the me that I have always known for the last many years.
* * *
Building a new life & a sense of self identity
To say life was hard in the last 15 months was an understatement. I struggled big time adjusting into new house, loss of energy / well beings, new business (and all the shocks that came with it), the overwhelming emotions of being pregnant, new role as a mother. I tend to think about the future a lot and that unknown future terrified me. I was determined to change the extremities that I had in the past - I knew it just wouldn't work in the new life, now that I will be having this baby, my life & mindset would just have to change.
I never learnt about myself as much as before.
What does it mean being a Mom? There are so many ways to perceive. I finally made up my own perspective. This perspective is a conscious choice, picked by me, in terms of how I want to see myself, how I want the society to see me. And of course, I pick a celebration.
* * *
A career woman, a devotee to my family - in my own way
In my previous life, I was a career woman and a devotee to my family. Work was a huge part of my life - I took my role seriously, from a graduate accountant, taxation accountant, financial accountant, financial manager, financial specialist. I loved my job. Being in Anglo for 5 years, I knew a lot of systems and I gained pretty good technical skill & understanding on how everything works. On top of that, I am no fool when it comes to people - I was able to built genuine rapport with most of my work people, and I escaped politics simply by being kind and genuine. As such, I was valued by many, by my bosses, peers, sub-ordinates, as I always just focus on giving.
I knew I was extreme - but my extremity was what set me apart - in good ways & in bad ways. The good ways - people respected me highly, people knows I was one of the most dedicated person ever, people does not question my integrity - I can rock up to work late, and be away for half a day and people never question me - they just think I am just busy at meetings. The bad ways - I can be too serious, I can be too robotic / my jokes can be sarcastic, and if I let my guard down somewhat, but in a very silent / awkward way. I refuse to talk too much during social environments. I did not change who I was, I was simply moulding it to the best I could, to suit the corporate environment.
A devotee to my family, I saw a lot of shortfalls amongst my family members, trying to fill the gaps and doing the best I could to make them productive. Even if it means effectively managing a business (or 2, or 3) outside my day job. I spent most of my weekends doing bookkeepings, BAS, budgeting, etc.
When we moved house, when we started devoting ourselves to this big business, when we started to devote ourselves into everything babies, and our own health issues... the career part of me & the family devotee - has gone out of the window.
* * *
And then I have lost a sense of who I was, the me that I have always known for the last many years.
* * *
Building a new life & a sense of self identity
To say life was hard in the last 15 months was an understatement. I struggled big time adjusting into new house, loss of energy / well beings, new business (and all the shocks that came with it), the overwhelming emotions of being pregnant, new role as a mother. I tend to think about the future a lot and that unknown future terrified me. I was determined to change the extremities that I had in the past - I knew it just wouldn't work in the new life, now that I will be having this baby, my life & mindset would just have to change.
I never learnt about myself as much as before.
Observation of Baby's Personality So Far
Grabbing things
- Whenever I give her new stimuli (object above her head) - she does get excited, flailing her arms and legs - and try to grab it
- When she is in tummy time mode, not too actively, depend on the item
- When she is in lying down,
- Not everything is appealing in fact half of the things I've offered she is not that interested. She is NOT interested at a lot of things - she likes something that has sounds,
My New Life as a Mom
I think my routine is slowly established now - to a good direction
Typical day
Typical evening
Typical week - Daytime activities
Monday - Circle of Security class
Tuesday - Rhyme library / Playgroup / Mothers Group
Wednesday - Clare / Doctors
Thursday - Emma / Nundah Group
Friday - Pilate / See friends
Saturday - Housechores / Outing / See friends
Sunday - Housechores / See family
Typical week - Evening activities
Monday - Swimming
Tuesday - Pilate
Wednesday - Swimming
Thursday - PT session
Friday - Pilate (morning) - See friends
Sat/Sun - Weights
* * *
NAP
Because my baby still wakes up every 3 hours or so - it is important for me to take a nap during the
day. By taking a nap during the day, it allows a clearer mind and less stuff ups. Also avoid feeling bad mood.
HOUSEWORK
SELF CARE
PILATE CLASS, PT SESSION AND SWIMMING
Typical day
- Nap / Rest
- Housework - laundry / tidy ups
- Research re baby
Typical evening
- Exercise
- Housework - dishes / prepare dinner
- Computer / blogging
- Productive - e.g. bookkeeping, sort out mails, etc.
Typical week - Daytime activities
Monday - Circle of Security class
Tuesday - Rhyme library / Playgroup / Mothers Group
Wednesday - Clare / Doctors
Thursday - Emma / Nundah Group
Friday - Pilate / See friends
Saturday - Housechores / Outing / See friends
Sunday - Housechores / See family
Monday - Swimming
Tuesday - Pilate
Wednesday - Swimming
Thursday - PT session
Friday - Pilate (morning) - See friends
Sat/Sun - Weights
* * *
NAP
Because my baby still wakes up every 3 hours or so - it is important for me to take a nap during the
day. By taking a nap during the day, it allows a clearer mind and less stuff ups. Also avoid feeling bad mood.
HOUSEWORK
- Plan / prepare food for baby
- Laundry
- Empty dishwasher
- Wash dishes
- Tidy up things
SELF CARE
- Sleep
- Stretches
- PT Exercise
PILATE CLASS, PT SESSION AND SWIMMING
- Swimming 3x per week
- 1-2 Pilate class
- 1 PT session
RIE parenting
- We not only respect babies, we demonstrate our respect every time we interact with them. Respecting a child means treating even the youngest infant as a unique human being, not as an object.
- We have basic trust in the infant to be an initiator, to be an explorer eager to learn what he is ready for. Because of this trust, we provide the infant with only enough help necessary to allow the child to enjoy mastery of her own actions.
- Our method, guided by respect for the infant’s competence, is observation. We observe carefully to understand the infant’s communications and his needs. The more we observe, the more we understand and appreciate the enormous amount and speed of learning that happens during the first two or three years of life. We become more humble, we teach less, and we provide an environment for learning instead.
- During care activities (diapering, feeding, bathing, dressing, etc.), we encourage even the tiniest infant to become an active participant rather than a passive recipient of the activities. Parents create opportunities for interaction, cooperation, intimacy and mutual enjoyment by being wholeheartedly with the infant during the time they spend together anyway
- Our role is to create an environment in which the child can best do all the things that the child would do naturally. The more predictable an environment is, the easier it is for babies to learn.
- As infants become more mobile, they need safe, appropriate space in which to move. Their natural, inborn desire to move should not be handicapped by the environment.
- We give the infant plenty of time for uninterrupted play. Instead of trying to teachbabies new skills, we appreciate and admire what babies are actually doing.
- We establish clearly defined limits and communicate our expectations to develop discipline.
Skincare vs Play/Baby mood
Ezcema is such an ongoing battle
When her skin gets worse, or doesn't get better, it makes me feel like I am a failed parent
But then when you worry about her skin so much
She protest every time you touch her face
Her mood changes from happy to grumpy when you try to do stuff on her skin
Sometimes to keep her mood happy I do less frequent application on the face
It is such a battle sometimes, trying to get that right balance
When her skin gets worse, or doesn't get better, it makes me feel like I am a failed parent
But then when you worry about her skin so much
She protest every time you touch her face
Her mood changes from happy to grumpy when you try to do stuff on her skin
Sometimes to keep her mood happy I do less frequent application on the face
It is such a battle sometimes, trying to get that right balance
Baby schedule vs Your schedule
For now I am happy where I am
My current life is mostly dedicated to my baby and improving my body
But in the near future, as I am slowly rejoining "SOCIETY" and redevelop my sense of self back again, my own schedule will be increase and it will collides to baby's schedule
And the key is about integrating them
-------------
Currently I aim to just have ONE activity/appointment per day, say going to Westfield, going to Coorparoo child clinic, going to GP, etc.
But in future I may start to have TWO - and that would already be big enough
My current life is mostly dedicated to my baby and improving my body
But in the near future, as I am slowly rejoining "SOCIETY" and redevelop my sense of self back again, my own schedule will be increase and it will collides to baby's schedule
And the key is about integrating them
-------------
Currently I aim to just have ONE activity/appointment per day, say going to Westfield, going to Coorparoo child clinic, going to GP, etc.
But in future I may start to have TWO - and that would already be big enough
Playing with baby
Super happy, refreshed mood
Characteristic:
- super cheerful
- patient
- high energy
- 'accommodate' anything that you do, including cleaning her face!
Type of play:
- any game is ok
- she can also play by herself
- rolling around by herself
- good opportunity to encourage her to do 'new things' that will enhance her development, get her to raise her hands (superman pose)
--------------------------------------
Average mood
Characteristic:
- generally happy
- generally patient
- does show unhappiness on things that she doesn't like - e.g. cleaning her face
Type of play:
- same as above, but she cannot play by herself
- needs more encouragement / enticement to roll by herself
- needs excitement from you, sing children songs
- read books
- hold big ball
- grab objects that is slightly out of reach
- play gym
- talk to her
- sing to her
- dance with her
- activities per the phone
---------------------------------------
Grumpy mood
Characteristic:
- likes to rub eyes / ears
- inpatient
- short fused, can only play game a little bit
- doesn't really like rolling the other way
Type of play:
- white/blue board
- flying fabric
- dance with her
- rice bag goes a long way
Characteristic:
- super cheerful
- patient
- high energy
- 'accommodate' anything that you do, including cleaning her face!
Type of play:
- any game is ok
- she can also play by herself
- rolling around by herself
- good opportunity to encourage her to do 'new things' that will enhance her development, get her to raise her hands (superman pose)
--------------------------------------
Average mood
Characteristic:
- generally happy
- generally patient
- does show unhappiness on things that she doesn't like - e.g. cleaning her face
Type of play:
- same as above, but she cannot play by herself
- needs more encouragement / enticement to roll by herself
- needs excitement from you, sing children songs
- read books
- hold big ball
- grab objects that is slightly out of reach
- play gym
- talk to her
- sing to her
- dance with her
- activities per the phone
---------------------------------------
Grumpy mood
Characteristic:
- likes to rub eyes / ears
- inpatient
- short fused, can only play game a little bit
- doesn't really like rolling the other way
Type of play:
- white/blue board
- flying fabric
- dance with her
- rice bag goes a long way
Putting baby to sleep
There are two types of putting baby to sleep
(1) Out of bliss
(2) Out of exhaustion
For example,
Milk drunk = bliss
Calm, tired, comfortable = bliss
Exhaustion = exhausted from playing
Exhaustion = exhausted from crying
The confinement lady is definitely out of exhaustion from crying
----------------------------------------------
** Key ONE - how to resolve the screaming crying **
Many babies 'fight' sleep by screaming and crying when they know they are put to sleep - even though they are tired, they just cannot sleep - they had to scream and cry
For the first 5.5 months I have been battling how to 'calm' her from that 'screaming cry' peak moment
Just patting / stroking her on the cot NEVER work when she is screaming crying like that
You have to pick her up; AND then
you gotta do the 'big' bouncing movement (less tiring if I bounce her on the gym ball)
That is a type of distraction, something bigger than her screaming crying - and that works
But it is physically tiring for the parents, lower back pain from bouncing on gym ball, painful hands/arms/elbows from hug-locking her
If you leave her in the cot, she will eventually stop her screaming crying but that would be out of exhaustion, exhausted from too much crying - i.e. 'cry it out'
I hug lock her, sometimes I think that 'contributes' to her crying more because face it, that position is not comfortable (but that is what is physically possible for me/the parent to hold and bounce her) and then that is being offset by the bouncing gym ball ('the bigger distraction') to reduce the crying back down
To resolve the screaming crying, there has to be a big distraction, or some soothing motion
In my case, the savior is
(1) White noise
(2) Dummy
White noise gives her that BIG distraction
Dummy gives her that BIG soothing motion
Those two reduces the screaming crying right down, make her in a calm stage, and then
** I finally got it figured out **
----------------------------------------------
The principles still remains:
(1) Out of bliss
(2) Out of exhaustion
For example,
Milk drunk = bliss
Calm, tired, comfortable = bliss
Exhaustion = exhausted from playing
Exhaustion = exhausted from crying
The confinement lady is definitely out of exhaustion from crying
----------------------------------------------
** Key ONE - how to resolve the screaming crying **
Many babies 'fight' sleep by screaming and crying when they know they are put to sleep - even though they are tired, they just cannot sleep - they had to scream and cry
For the first 5.5 months I have been battling how to 'calm' her from that 'screaming cry' peak moment
Just patting / stroking her on the cot NEVER work when she is screaming crying like that
You have to pick her up; AND then
you gotta do the 'big' bouncing movement (less tiring if I bounce her on the gym ball)
That is a type of distraction, something bigger than her screaming crying - and that works
But it is physically tiring for the parents, lower back pain from bouncing on gym ball, painful hands/arms/elbows from hug-locking her
If you leave her in the cot, she will eventually stop her screaming crying but that would be out of exhaustion, exhausted from too much crying - i.e. 'cry it out'
I hug lock her, sometimes I think that 'contributes' to her crying more because face it, that position is not comfortable (but that is what is physically possible for me/the parent to hold and bounce her) and then that is being offset by the bouncing gym ball ('the bigger distraction') to reduce the crying back down
To resolve the screaming crying, there has to be a big distraction, or some soothing motion
In my case, the savior is
(1) White noise
(2) Dummy
White noise gives her that BIG distraction
Dummy gives her that BIG soothing motion
Those two reduces the screaming crying right down, make her in a calm stage, and then
** I finally got it figured out **
----------------------------------------------
** Key TWO - restrict her body movements **
I don't know what you call it, whether it is "Startling reflex" or whatnot
My baby definitely wakes up if she moves too much
The savior is:
(1) Zipadeezip
(2) Sideways sleeping
Zipadeezip is definitely a savior
It is not TOO restrictive like the Kmart white velcro swaddle or the love to dream
So she can still move, but not 100%, she only moved 80% and that 20% of restriction helps her startling reflex
Sometimes just that works
But - if the body movement is still too much,
Place the baby sideways, it 'locks' her hands and restrict her body movements
----------------------------------------------
The principles still remains:
Suck - dummy
Swaddle - restrict body movement
Sideways - sideways in cot
Ssshh - white noise
Swing - gym ball
------------------------------------------
When I used to bounce my baby to sleep, in my heart, I decided that I do not want to sleep train. But I am still open to try other ways.
In my point of view,
'I put baby to sleep in any ways that is physically capable for me to do'
As in, someday if the baby grows too heavy and my hands get sore,
Then I would put her in the cot longer, and let her cry longer
Because my hands just can't do it anymore
That is a sign, to me, that I am taking care of my baby's emotional well being as much as I physically could. If she had to cry because my hands can't take it anymore, then so be it. But at least I have done my best. But thank goodness, I don't have to worry about that anymore. As now my baby is able to fall asleep on her own! Refer to 'falling asleep on her own' for more details - my take on it and why it worked for me.
------------------------------------------
When I used to bounce my baby to sleep, in my heart, I decided that I do not want to sleep train. But I am still open to try other ways.
In my point of view,
'I put baby to sleep in any ways that is physically capable for me to do'
As in, someday if the baby grows too heavy and my hands get sore,
Then I would put her in the cot longer, and let her cry longer
Because my hands just can't do it anymore
That is a sign, to me, that I am taking care of my baby's emotional well being as much as I physically could. If she had to cry because my hands can't take it anymore, then so be it. But at least I have done my best. But thank goodness, I don't have to worry about that anymore. As now my baby is able to fall asleep on her own! Refer to 'falling asleep on her own' for more details - my take on it and why it worked for me.
What child sees vs What you see
What the child see
What you see
-----------------------
The two simplest form of observations
But parents often do the next step, i.e. inferring, not just observing
What you think the child see
Judgment
Assumptions
e.g. my child never sleep in the pram - really?
my child need constant bouncing to sleep - really?
Sometimes what you think, is what you are
That is a huge mental trap for parents
I have to remind myself times and times again
Sometimes it is best for me to keep my opinions to my child to myself
Because as soon as I try to vocalise it, I 'establish' it - set it in
Often I do NOT want to make up my mind about things
I want to keep it open
I keep that level of 'non-judgement' observation for as long as I could
That way its giving the child enough room to manouver
I don't know if this is the right way, but thats what I am thinking so far
What you see
-----------------------
The two simplest form of observations
But parents often do the next step, i.e. inferring, not just observing
What you think the child see
Judgment
Assumptions
e.g. my child never sleep in the pram - really?
my child need constant bouncing to sleep - really?
Sometimes what you think, is what you are
That is a huge mental trap for parents
I have to remind myself times and times again
Sometimes it is best for me to keep my opinions to my child to myself
Because as soon as I try to vocalise it, I 'establish' it - set it in
Often I do NOT want to make up my mind about things
I want to keep it open
I keep that level of 'non-judgement' observation for as long as I could
That way its giving the child enough room to manouver
I don't know if this is the right way, but thats what I am thinking so far
Blindspot for Parents
"Deck of cards"
I have been attending to this "circle of security" class that talks about emotional and mental development of young children. In there, we did this exercise, where they show you a deck of cards and ask you to count how many picture cards shown. We replied 6 - and we got it right! That is good, but how many of you notice the back of the some of the cards have letters? None of us noticed. When they show the deck of cards again, we now noticed the letters at the back of the cards too.
The point is, if you don't know what you are looking for, it is very easy to miss things. That goes the same with parenthood.
* * *
"It is amazing in terms of what you don't see".
When your baby behaves a certain way, parents assume its one thing - but it could actually be something else.
You rationalise things in accordance to your understanding of the situation. Then you act upon it, based on your set of values. But somewhere along the way, that understanding, that rationalisation, that set of values may not be fitting to the child. You may be missing a critical fact. As a result, that may not be what the child wants/needs.
It often gets harder to change when you are not open to change your view - and adamant that "you are right" - are you really?
When the gap gets bigger and bigger, it becomes a blindspot.
We sometimes blame how our parents just don't understand our point of view. How they are set in their way of thinking and how they don't see what we see. Have you ever thought that you could very well make that mistake too? How do you know what you don't know?
* * *
Even recently, I realised that I already have a blind spot - and my baby is only 5 months:
When the baby is upset, I just assumed she is fussy, tired, etc. But I did not realise she is actually teething. The trap is:
- not realising what the child is really experiencing
- not realising what the child wants
- not realising the child's emotions
Being 'present' with the child is the number 1 key.
Keeping yourself informed about the child's situation, and just open all your senses for him/her.
Building that relationship with her, that trust, so that she will be more open to you.
The thing is, there is "life" that you have to live as well. You gotta be practical. How can you try to juggle that "life" whilst attending to your child? That is the tricky situation isn't it. I don't know the answer to that.
Parenting is about 70% turning up. 70% of being there for the kid. And that mental space & commitment.
Keeping an open mind, would hopefully minimise my blindspot.
I have been attending to this "circle of security" class that talks about emotional and mental development of young children. In there, we did this exercise, where they show you a deck of cards and ask you to count how many picture cards shown. We replied 6 - and we got it right! That is good, but how many of you notice the back of the some of the cards have letters? None of us noticed. When they show the deck of cards again, we now noticed the letters at the back of the cards too.
The point is, if you don't know what you are looking for, it is very easy to miss things. That goes the same with parenthood.
* * *
"It is amazing in terms of what you don't see".
When your baby behaves a certain way, parents assume its one thing - but it could actually be something else.
You rationalise things in accordance to your understanding of the situation. Then you act upon it, based on your set of values. But somewhere along the way, that understanding, that rationalisation, that set of values may not be fitting to the child. You may be missing a critical fact. As a result, that may not be what the child wants/needs.
It often gets harder to change when you are not open to change your view - and adamant that "you are right" - are you really?
When the gap gets bigger and bigger, it becomes a blindspot.
We sometimes blame how our parents just don't understand our point of view. How they are set in their way of thinking and how they don't see what we see. Have you ever thought that you could very well make that mistake too? How do you know what you don't know?
* * *
Even recently, I realised that I already have a blind spot - and my baby is only 5 months:
When the baby is upset, I just assumed she is fussy, tired, etc. But I did not realise she is actually teething. The trap is:
- not realising what the child is really experiencing
- not realising what the child wants
- not realising the child's emotions
Being 'present' with the child is the number 1 key.
Keeping yourself informed about the child's situation, and just open all your senses for him/her.
Building that relationship with her, that trust, so that she will be more open to you.
The thing is, there is "life" that you have to live as well. You gotta be practical. How can you try to juggle that "life" whilst attending to your child? That is the tricky situation isn't it. I don't know the answer to that.
Parenting is about 70% turning up. 70% of being there for the kid. And that mental space & commitment.
Keeping an open mind, would hopefully minimise my blindspot.
Caring vs Developing bad habit
Is it bad to attend to baby's every whimper?
Children developing bad habit - when is that?
Self soothe - when is that?
-------------------
"Don't attend to your baby all the time, you will develop bad habit of the baby to depend on you too much"
"Your baby needs to learn to self soothe, need to start right here right now!"
"Let your baby cry for 5 minutes before attending to her"
Those are the comments that I get.
-------------------
First of all, before I say anything, let me recognise the fact that the PARENTS's psychology plays a major factor here.
Social circle's attitude also plays a heavy factor - if the parents succumb to it of course. If the parents are strong-grounded, then social circle wouldn't affect them as much.
For example:
Since newborn, you bounce the baby to sleep, always
You have tried other methods, it just does not work
You never let the baby cry it out
The baby, now older, only wants to be bounced to sleep
Your social circle's people keep on telling you 'well thats because you bounce your baby to sleep. Now it becomes her bad habit'
Suddenly it is all your fault, you created bad habit for her
You silently protest 'but thats because she can't sleep using any other methods!'
'You should let your baby cry it out, she need to adapt to it. It would 'break' her bad habit'
That was me
But at almost 6 months, I tried the dummy on her, and it works!
I put on new swaddle on her, it seems to work!
I put white noise on -
suddenly baby fall to sleep on her own!
What was it to say about the 'bad habit' that I have created?
-------------------------
Let me break it down for you
Most of the time, Baby slept after being bounced = Fact
At those times, Baby could not sleep when pat shoosh in cot = Fact
You have created bad habit = Perception of social circle
Baby can ONLY sleep after being bounced = Perception of you as parents
Last two are perceptions - they are not facts - it is a dangerous mental trap
First one made you feel like you suck as parents
Second one made you feel like you are stuck / hopeless
In this case, I managed to find other ways to make the environment comfortable AND suitable for my baby's temperament, which enables her to sleep.
But the above is a simple example. I am sure there will be more of other examples that are less straightforward, especially as the child gets older.
---------------------------
In the future, when your child behaves certain ways - who is to say that is *BECAUSE* it is your fault?
- you made them develop that bad habit
- you did not interfere / train them enough
I believe the truth lies in somewhere in between nature vs nurture
But the point is - how do you know?
- how do you know that behavior is predominantly because of you letting the baby develop that bad habit
- how do you know that behavior is not because of the baby's dominant nature?
- how do you know that if you turn back time, you get other parent to parent your baby, that your child will behave much better?
- how can your social circle be so sure?
The thing is, you will NEVER know. You will never be able to turn back time.
So why fret, why spend all those times, succumbing to society, beating yourself up for creating that bad habit?
Why spend all those times, thinking at 'what you could have done'?
The thing is, do believe that you really have done the best, based on the resources you got at the time, based on what you know how.
You gather as much views, opinions, and try to understand why they see it that way
Then you make your own decision
You pick the parental methodology that suit you, your heart, your values, your circumstances
You learn to trust your instinct
At the end, you really try your best
Whatever the outcome is, whatever the outcome
----------------------------------
My view is
Children developing bad habit - when is that?
Self soothe - when is that?
-------------------
"Don't attend to your baby all the time, you will develop bad habit of the baby to depend on you too much"
"Your baby needs to learn to self soothe, need to start right here right now!"
"Let your baby cry for 5 minutes before attending to her"
Those are the comments that I get.
-------------------
Social circle's attitude also plays a heavy factor - if the parents succumb to it of course. If the parents are strong-grounded, then social circle wouldn't affect them as much.
For example:
Since newborn, you bounce the baby to sleep, always
You have tried other methods, it just does not work
You never let the baby cry it out
The baby, now older, only wants to be bounced to sleep
Your social circle's people keep on telling you 'well thats because you bounce your baby to sleep. Now it becomes her bad habit'
Suddenly it is all your fault, you created bad habit for her
You silently protest 'but thats because she can't sleep using any other methods!'
'You should let your baby cry it out, she need to adapt to it. It would 'break' her bad habit'
That was me
But at almost 6 months, I tried the dummy on her, and it works!
I put on new swaddle on her, it seems to work!
I put white noise on -
suddenly baby fall to sleep on her own!
What was it to say about the 'bad habit' that I have created?
-------------------------
Let me break it down for you
Most of the time, Baby slept after being bounced = Fact
At those times, Baby could not sleep when pat shoosh in cot = Fact
You have created bad habit = Perception of social circle
Baby can ONLY sleep after being bounced = Perception of you as parents
Last two are perceptions - they are not facts - it is a dangerous mental trap
First one made you feel like you suck as parents
Second one made you feel like you are stuck / hopeless
In this case, I managed to find other ways to make the environment comfortable AND suitable for my baby's temperament, which enables her to sleep.
But the above is a simple example. I am sure there will be more of other examples that are less straightforward, especially as the child gets older.
---------------------------
In the future, when your child behaves certain ways - who is to say that is *BECAUSE* it is your fault?
- you made them develop that bad habit
- you did not interfere / train them enough
I believe the truth lies in somewhere in between nature vs nurture
But the point is - how do you know?
- how do you know that behavior is predominantly because of you letting the baby develop that bad habit
- how do you know that behavior is not because of the baby's dominant nature?
- how do you know that if you turn back time, you get other parent to parent your baby, that your child will behave much better?
- how can your social circle be so sure?
The thing is, you will NEVER know. You will never be able to turn back time.
So why fret, why spend all those times, succumbing to society, beating yourself up for creating that bad habit?
Why spend all those times, thinking at 'what you could have done'?
The thing is, do believe that you really have done the best, based on the resources you got at the time, based on what you know how.
You gather as much views, opinions, and try to understand why they see it that way
Then you make your own decision
You pick the parental methodology that suit you, your heart, your values, your circumstances
You learn to trust your instinct
At the end, you really try your best
Whatever the outcome is, whatever the outcome
----------------------------------
My view is
- For the first 12 months, I will NEVER worry about spoiling the baby too much
- I am NOT worrying about developing a bad habit for her at all
- Upto 12 months, I do not believe baby's brain is capable of manipulation, or developing 'habits' - behavior that is hard to change later on
- I do believe babies can get 'used' to certain things - but I dont necessarily think it to be a 'habit'
- I care more about making sure that I am making her feel emotionally secure
- Yes I WILL try to attend to her every emotion - whether its whimper, happy, upset, etc - as much as physically possible for me
- I want her to know that I got her back. I want to share delight with her being happy. I am there to comfort her when she is upset.
- Now that is being a priority, the only other equation is my OWN life - whether I have eaten or not, house chores, my own well being - exercise, food, etc.
- For my OWN life, I am prioritising my well being - because it is linked. But I am really taking it slowly. I do not want too much - my expectation towards the quality of my own life is really not that high. Because it is a balancing act. The more I want to beautify myself/the house/earn money more - it is more at the expense of the child - the less available I will be to the child.
- As I am expanding my OWN life sphere, I also do try to let the baby play on their own - because I do not want to impede to her exploration adventure.
- The balance is all about how I SEE it - what I need VS what I PERCEIVE to be what the baby needs. I will continue to adjust that as I see the baby developing. But I could not care less what my social circle thinks.
- Yes she currently may not survive in the childcare, but I try to minimise her childcare anyway. I believe currently her brain is NOT capable to develop that strong sense of independence - without the expense of feeling threatened / unsafe. But I DO understand that THAT Is only my perception. And I am still keeping an open mind. So I am still willing to put her in childcare. But currently MENTALLY I could only accept 1 hour per week to 'throw her' into the deep end.
- The whole notion of 'making' her self soothe is bullshit - because I dont believe that could be achieved without too much of an expense to your child's mental well being. Your child will just feel upset- and it affects her cortisone level / neurological part of her brain in handling stress - but your child will never consciously know or feel that being a 'self-soothe'. Self soothe means, baby figure out a technique to make herself calm - but the underlying is still perfectly comfortable / unaffected. I BELIEVE there will be effects in the underlying.
- I believe my baby will learn to self-soothe naturally as part of her development. As her brain develops more. I believe I should not worry about 'fastening that self-soothe department' quicker on her behalf - because if I do, I am afraid that will be of the expense of the child's mental well being, damaging her in some ways.
- So I will do it slowly, more naturally, and the way I feel comfortable in, as I see how comfortable does she take it -
- IT IS ALL ABOUT UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE BABY IS CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING - its pointless to expect a baby to do something that she is not capable of (self soothe) - be realistic and keep learning on what your baby is capable of understanding, before you make decisions on how you treat your child
- I know she has to face the real world someday, but first 12 months is not the place for it.
- Of course, for me, there will be certain hardline boundaries - for example, firm decision of her not crossing the road on her own, because of safety reason.
- And the way they treat you - be aware that they may not be aware of it. Your child will never intentionally want to 'bully' you.
- You draw a boundary line on the way you do NOT want to be treated
- For example, your child pulling your hair - do you think the child is deliberate, does the child understand its a no means no? does the child understand why he/she can't do that? does the child is capable to understand why? Maybe its good enough for the child to associate 'no' to pulling hair - but in what ways you should do so, so that he/she doesn't feel hurt when you reprimand them when they pull the hair. If you go to far, do they understand why you are so mad at them? Do they feel that you don't love him/her anymore? I am sure there will be a whole very interesting world of 'disciplining' your child, which I would explore more as my baby grows.
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