Most important ingredient
Mom being happy, fulfilled, content is the most important ingredient
If i am not a happy person, everything flows through
The baby can feel it from you
You really gotta look after yourself, before looking after other people
That is the most important take-away message
You gotta be practical, realistic and work hard to establish a nice environment for your little family to the best that you can
Your positioning is so so imporant in life
(1) Your work / income
- your income
- your working hours
- your commuting hours
- you need to make sure you can achieve some kind of balance not to overwork but at the same time have sufficient income to support your lifestyle
(2) Your house / location
our house is not ideal but it is part of the package. so we just have to work with what we have got
we are allowed to whinge here and there but overall we just have to suck it up and try to do things we can control, such as improving the house, add ceiling fans, lighting, make it nice. Think about storage, really try to declutter and sort out your stuff. So that you can make your house the best possible thing, since you spend so much time in it (in my case to live and to work).
(3) Your people
This is arguably the most important, who do you spend time with? I am lucky that I have a great relationship with my husband. Our foundation is strong as a little nucleus family. Then you have your family - the people you cannot choose. For example, for the first seven months, Jack's mom has been terrible for my self esteem. I was vulnerable, lost, and also yearn a motherhood connection. But the more I open myself up, the more I get butchered by her perfectionist standard. I find myself become a lot more anxious, worried and less confident person every time she visits. Then I realised that she is generally not a very giving person, severely lack of empathy / understanding of people in general, and not comfortable being around with people who struggles. So that is her problem. The change that I made firstly is I've decided that I dont want her in my life as much. Gneerally I am the kind of person that operate better by myself anyway at the beginning, until I have the confidence to be able to tell people that yes I know what I am doing, this is my decision I am doing it this way and if you need to know, this is why. I better operate without her.
In terms of my own family, I want them to help me but at the same time I may not be able to give them what they want in return. My mum has high emotional needs, need feedback and consultation on every single thing. I am not able to provide that and if that becomes tricky and if not done right, become emotionally very draining for me.
So for that front, basically with your family you just have to draw the right amount of boundaries within yourself. Too much is not good. Too little is not good. Over time, you adjust that boundary with them, and that is OK.
Friends are a lot more open. You can choose the people that you want to interact with on regular basis. This takes work, if not more work. If you dont know each other well you won't go to their house and meet in public places. And then you have to fit your schedules to other people's schedules and feel bad if you run late, etc etc. And it also takes work, you may want to be close with them but they are not ready to open up with you. A lot of trial and error. That is all part of the process.
Though with the right friends, you are talking about finding the right people, finding the people that have similar values to you, similar parenting style, people you can talk to, people you can connect, people that can encourage and support you in that way, and you can support them too. That will be the biggest single ingredient. The more you find your people, the more you can thrive, less isolated, depressed, and can handle life's challenges better. It always feels better after you talk it out to someone who is willing to listen / can understand.
So that is the eco-system.
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In my case, I have a business I need to care for. Unfortunately I can't just bea stay at home mom who can cater for my Alexis 100%. But that just means Alexis will have to grow up sooner and mingle with the society sooner.
I need to form a plan that is going to be right for Alexis and that would be best to be formulated by me, by anyone else. And I have to trust my gut instinct.
Unless I become a confident mom, I will get swayed left and right over this tricky matter. Thankfully I am becoming that confident mom who trusts my own instinct and decision. That is some thing that is very important to be able to deal with these challenges. And I am certainly getting better.
Why having confidence & conviction matters
You are much more convincing if you truly believe in it. Your baby will sense it for sure too. If you are confident with your purpose, not too groggy with dropping your baby to the childcare, (they dont sense the anxiety). then they in turn will feel safer that way.
How to be an empathetic and firm leader. Firm = confidence & conviction. Empathetic = verbal, actions, etc.
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How do you ensure transitioning is smooth?
How do you develop connection with the child?
If the child is distressed, incosolable and gets really angry, what would you do?
Do you believe that child can cry over nothing,
How do you think child learn to self soothe?
What effort will you do, to console distressed child?
I am looking for a warm environment for my toddler.
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Addressing the dilemmas of parenthood... and my take on it
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