Deciphering me as moms

There are certain points about ME that does not really qualify me as a 'normal' moms

• Require sleep in
• Don't operate in 24 hours time, which is very bad for kids!
• Brain spinning, brain take a break (get a very quick food with the most minimal thought,  like bread / leftover / 3-min noodle / egg in microwave, eat), brain spins again, brain take a break very minimum (quick run to toilet), brain spins again
• Body is completely not acknowledged
• Brain spin like crazy then body forces a shut down, brain forces to relax, then body take over and have very good sleep (morning, in train, 6pm after finish work). So my cycle is probably extend between 36 hours to 96 hours time. 
• Brain travels very rapidly, gigantic tentacle and vastly intensive, unable to achieve brilliance without this
• Grow up never really (at least in Australia) 
• Never really eat properly 
• All computers, all brain work, very little hands work 
• Addicted to screen, phone alert literally every waking second
• Computers / screens - multiple tabs, multiple tasks running at same time
• Eating whilst doing computer / watching / not much proper eating in dining table
• Not much preparing food or even giving thoughts into it
• Not much pooping or even giving thoughts into it
• Sleep only if forced by body

The new me, require a big change in reprogramming my life, my body, which is doable... but my brain is the hard one.  I cannot achieve briliance without that gigantic cobweb of thoughts

I can aim less. 

I can document my thoughts step by step & really STOP-ALL and pause, until the next time Remi goes childcare. 

End of blog.

Blossom of Alexis is an inspiration for Remi

 Alexis, the beautiful person of who she is today, is no accident.

I believe I have nurtured a lot to have her brain development to grow very well.

I am determined to put the same amount of effort for Remi. 

I must admit it is MUCH harder when you have to juggle between the two kids.

I tell myself. Three more years for Remi to reach 4.5, for her to reach to a reasonable person.

By then I will be 42 years old, good lord. 

I want to put that much effort. But at the same time, I want to know I am doing well in life. 

I also want to do my own stuff sometimes. 

Is life suppose to be this 'full', this 'suffocating' sometimes? 

My life has always been full, even before kids.

But I guess now, it need to be much more deliberate. More cut throat. 

And more purposeful. 

Alexis's food - seeking professional is my priority. Documenting that thoughts. 

Remi - just spending quality time with her, growing together with her. 

Admittedly, after hours, I do need other people to keep Alexis 'engaged'. 

Remi can grow in terms of playdough creations. 

Alexis can grow in terms of science experiments, fabric making, piano, etc.  

I am sure both kids will continue to be busy/

And I want to continue to support them. 

* * * 

Do not waste the negative energy on people who is not worth your energy

I look forward the day where I stopped breastfeeding, more confident in spending my time with Remi, feed her well, feed both kids well. 

I look forward to the day where Remi is front facing. That way we can travel to more places. 

I am happy I got a friend - Renee, who is so similar to me. 

I can only try, and keep trying.

* * * 

I am proud that I give my kids so much kindness, so much autonomy.

So much teaching.  I am protecting their energy.   

Everyday. 

I want to look after myself a little bit better. 

* * * 

Naturopath for myself

Counsellor for myself

Feeding specialist for Alexis