Celebrations in being a Mom

I am reflecting upon my life so far - from being pregnant to becoming a mom. My life has changed forever 15 months ago.

What does it mean being a Mom? There are so many ways to perceive. I finally made up my own perspective. This perspective is a conscious choice, picked by me, in terms of how I want to see myself, how I want the society to see me.  And of course, I pick a celebration.

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A career woman,  a devotee to my family - in my own way

In my previous life, I was a career woman and a devotee to my family.  Work was a huge part of my life - I took my role seriously, from a graduate accountant, taxation accountant, financial accountant, financial manager, financial specialist. I loved my job. Being in Anglo for 5 years, I knew a lot of systems and I gained pretty good technical skill & understanding on how everything works. On top of that, I am no fool when it comes to people - I was able to built genuine rapport with most of my work people, and I escaped politics simply by being kind and genuine.  As such, I was  valued by many, by my bosses, peers, sub-ordinates, as I always just focus on giving.

I knew I was extreme - but my extremity was what set me apart - in good ways & in bad ways. The good ways - people respected me highly, people knows I was one of the most dedicated person ever, people does not question my integrity - I can rock up to work late, and be away for half a day and people never question me - they just think I am just busy at meetings. The bad ways - I can be too serious, I can be too robotic / my jokes can be sarcastic, and if I let my guard down somewhat, but in a very silent / awkward way. I refuse to talk too much during social environments. I did not change who I was, I was simply moulding it to the best I could, to suit the corporate environment.

A devotee to my family, I saw a lot of shortfalls amongst my family members, trying to fill the gaps and doing the best I could to make them productive. Even if it means effectively managing a business (or 2, or 3) outside my day job. I spent most of my weekends doing bookkeepings, BAS, budgeting, etc.

When we moved house, when we started devoting ourselves to this big business, when we started to devote ourselves into everything babies, and our own health issues...   the career part of me & the family devotee - has gone out of the window.

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And then I have lost a sense of who I was, the me that I have always known for the last many years.

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Building a new life & a sense of self identity

To say life was hard in the last 15 months was an understatement. I struggled big time adjusting into new house, loss of energy / well beings, new business (and all the shocks that came with it), the overwhelming emotions of being pregnant, new role as a mother.  I tend to think about the future a lot and that unknown future terrified me. I was determined to change the extremities that I had in the past - I knew it just wouldn't work in the new life, now that I will be having this baby, my life & mindset would just have to change.

I never learnt about myself as much as before.