Blindspot for Parents

"Deck of cards"

I have been attending to this "circle of security" class that talks about emotional and mental development of young children.  In there, we did this exercise, where they show you a deck of cards and ask you to count how many picture cards shown. We replied 6 - and we got it right!  That is good, but how many of you notice the back of the some of the cards have letters?  None of us noticed.  When they show the deck of cards again, we now noticed the letters at the back of the cards too.

The point is, if you don't know what you are looking for, it is very easy to miss things. That goes the same with parenthood.

* * *

"It is amazing in terms of what you don't see". 

When your baby behaves a certain way, parents assume its one thing - but it could actually be something else.

You rationalise things in accordance to your understanding of the situation. Then you act upon it, based on your set of values. But somewhere along the way, that understanding, that rationalisation, that set of values may not be fitting to the child. You may be missing a critical fact. As a result, that may not be what the child wants/needs.

It often gets harder to change when you are not open to change your view - and adamant that "you are right" - are you really?

When the gap gets bigger and bigger, it becomes a blindspot.

We sometimes blame how our parents just don't understand our point of view. How they are set in their way of thinking and how they don't see what we see.  Have you ever thought that you could very well make that mistake too?  How do you know what you don't know?

* * *

Even recently, I realised that I already have a blind spot - and my baby is only 5 months:

When the baby is upset, I just assumed she is fussy, tired, etc. But I did not realise she is actually teething. The trap is:

- not realising what the child is really experiencing
- not realising what the child wants
- not realising the child's emotions

Being 'present' with the child is the number 1 key.
Keeping yourself informed about the child's situation, and just open all your senses for him/her.
Building that relationship with her, that trust, so that she will be more open to you.

The thing is, there is "life" that you have to live as well. You gotta be practical. How can you try to juggle that "life" whilst attending to your child?  That is the tricky situation isn't it.  I don't know the answer to that.

Parenting is about 70% turning up.  70% of being there for the kid.   And that mental space & commitment.

Keeping an open mind,  would hopefully minimise my blindspot.